Build Confidence Through
FRIENDLINESS
The simple skill of
Positively Influencing and Communicating with Others
© 2009 Don Woolett. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Don Woolett
Having been affiliated with the entertainment industry, private
education, and a consultant to non-profit organizations since 1980, I have noticed the absence of proper character development and people skills training. In both public and private schools, as well as the workplace, there seems to be a void, in many cases, of friendliness, courtesy and hospitality.
B u i l d C o n f i d e n c e T h r o u g h F r i e n d l i n e s s is a basic yet concise and easy to understand attempt, from my years of experience, to fill that void.
Whether meeting someone for the first time, or interacting with them on a continuing basis, it is important to know and practice certain principles; friendliness being the foremost.
The wisest of the wise of his day, King Solomon, was a master of influencing others and making friends. That’s why he knew firsthand that if a person wants friends, they must show friendliness.
This revised & concise guide is designed to teach children, their parents, and others in a very simple, easy to understand approach, how to successfully interact with people in everyday life situations.
Proper interpersonal communication is the key to successful and effective relationships whether personal, business or social.
Doing business in the consumer marketplace, witnessing for your faith, managing people, working for the boss, or family interaction requires proper communication and understanding between individuals.
Although many good books and publications have been written on the subject of communicating most are technical and complicated and difficult to understand by the average person.
Based on Proverbs 18:24, herein is a basic easy to understand
approach in instructing and training someone how to effectively communicate their faith, thoughts and ideas to others and win their confidence with honesty and integrity. Applying these simple principles will help one develop the proper people skills for successful people interaction.
Like the words of this song says:
“A tremendously positive attitude Will bring success in everything you do.
Increase your confidence and you’ll improve
With a tremendously positive attitude.”
(© 2003 Don Woolett)
S I M P L E S T E P S T O E S T A B L I S H
T R U S T A N D C R E D I B I L I T Y W I T H
O T H E R S
If you want to communicate your thoughts and ideas with others; if you desire to win friends and influence people, you must first establish trust and credibility. If people do not trust you, they’ll never listen to you.
There are several simple steps you can take to properly establish this credibility. They are:
1. Always be consistent in what you think, say, or do. Don’t be
wishie-washy; acting one way today and another way the next. People may not always agree with you, but by being consistent, you establish trust and credibility.
2. Show the other person that you understand his or her point of view. Be empathetic by expressing to them that you understand how they feel.
3. Show trust toward the other person. Extend help to them by being warm and friendly. Show sincere interest in their problems and they will not doubt your credibility.
4. If you feel there are discrepancies in communication, ask for
clarification. Do it in a non-threatening way, such as by saying
I want to be sure I understand you. What I hear you saying is… then restate what you want to clarify. By following these simple steps, you will find that the level of trust and credibility extended to you by others will constantly increase. People will identify you as someone who is sincere, honest and capable of
positively influencing others.
T H E T W O M O S T E F F E C T I V E W A Y S
T O W I N O T H E R S T O Y O U R S I D E
1. Make them feel important by treating them with RESPECT,
COURTESY and KINDNESS and getting them to talk about themselves. People generally like to talk about themselves more than they like to talk about anyone else. So, give them the opportunity.
NOTE:
When responding to others with respect, you must:
Use RESTRAINT. Control your emotions even in a situation of adversity.
Respond with EMPATHY to the other persons feelings.
Be SOCIAL, friendly, and willing to associate with others.
Be POLITE as you converse with others.
Be ENTHUSIASTIC. If you are enthusiastic, others around you will become more enthusiastic and less downcast.
Be COURTEOUS, not arrogant. Put others first.
Be TACTFUL in your approach and response toward others.
Be A Redeemer, Not A Screamer!
(Basic Concepts For Resolving Conflict.)
King Solomon was the master of influencing others in a positive way.
Solomon had the most beautiful, powerful and influential woman of his day, the Queen of Sheba, eating out of
his hand and presenting him with gifts.
King Solomon was also the master of the concepts for resolving or minimizing conflicts. He knew what it took to make his enemies be at peace with him. (Proverbs 16:17 KJV)
We know, as well as Solomon knew, that these concepts and principles can never remove the hate, malice, or animosity harbored in a person’s heart. However, when these principles are properly applied, they can minimize the effects of ill feelings.
Let’s share some of the wisdom of Solomon as he instructs us how to Be A Redeemer, Not A Screamer!
Concept #1.
C o n t r o l Y o u r E m o t i o n s
In the 15th. Chapter of the book of Proverbs, Solomon wrote, “A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up
anger.” Solomon also said, “a wrathful man stirs up strife; but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.” Be temperate. Do not let your temper get out of control. Stay calm, even in a situation of adversity. This is probably the single most important concept in minimizing conflict.
Concept # 2.
L i s t e n M o r e A n d T a l k L e s s
Remember the modern-day proverb which states,
“God gave us two ears and one mouth. He expects us to
do twice as much listening as talking?”
Try to understand where the other person is coming from. Let them know by your non-verbal communication that you hear what they have to say and are considering it.
Concept # 3.
S t a n d F i r m O n W h a t Y o u
K n o w I s R i g h t
Remain steadfast and unmovable. In other words, do not compromise convictions. However, do not attempt to make the other person look wrong in order to make you look right. Try to
explain that you are both seeking the best solution to the situation.
When you are wrong, admit it. Do not try to hide the fact that you made a mistake.
Concept # 4.
P r e p a r a t i o n
If you know beforehand that you will be facing an adversity situation, prepare by taking a serious look at all angles of the possible conflict situation.
Write down the questions you are likely to be confronted with and consider your possible responses.
Pray for wisdom and understanding of your counterpart’s
feelings and how you are to respond. Investigate all angles of the conflict you can think of. Be conciliatory without compromising convictions.
Concept # 5.
L e a r n T o C o n t r o l Y o u r
N o n – v e r b a l R e s p o n s e
Become aware of your own non-verbal communications.
Sending out negative signals could generate more hostility.
Not only should you be aware of the non-verbal communication another person is transmitting, you also need to control those you transmit.
Remember, respond to others with total control.
Concept # 6
B e A s s e r t i v e ; N o t A g g r e s s i v e
Respond to others clearly, honestly and directly. This supports your convictions, beliefs and ideas without harming others or being harmed yourself. By being assertive, you protect yourself
from being victimized and meet more of your own needs without infringing on the rights and needs of others.
Also remember, whenever you win a conflict situation, do not cause the other person disgrace or embarrassment.
Your objective should be a win-win situation.
T h r e e P r o v e r b s O f P r a c t i c a l i t y
1. We can never go back and meet a person again for the first time. We only get one chance to make a good first impression!
2. God gave us two ears and one mouth. He expects us to do twice as much listening as talking!
3. SMILE, make direct eye contact, and be friendly!
A PRACTICAL PRINCIPLE
“Think before you act or speak. Then, always act or speak tactfully”
Tremendous words of wisdom
from
Charles “Tremendous” Jones
“…the process of learning to live is TREEEMENNNDOUS” We never stop growing until we stop learning, and people who are learning this simple truth will grow old but never get old.”
“No one lives unto himself. There is an “I-Land” and a “You-Land”. The I-Land is a lonely place, and countless thousands are shipwrecked on its shores after setting their sails away from You-Land. Perhaps they merely drift into I-Land, but the result is the same: Loneliness and slow death for people who never experience the thrill of learning to live.”
FROM: “Life Is Tremendous” by Charlie “Tremendous” Jones
©1968 Charles E. Jones
Managing To Win.
Most of us, in our lifetime, will be called upon to manage or lead others, whether as an employer, a supervisor, a pastor, a team leader, etc.
The old school of thought on people management was management by manipulation, intimidation, agitation, etc. This style of management may work for a while to force people into subjection. However, these forceful techniques can never win the hearts of people or their true loyalty.
I believe the surest and best way to win in managing others effectively is to lead them into wanting to associate with you rather than manipulating them into becoming alienated from you.
Successful managers are leaders who lead people into wanting to follow them rather than driving people into subjection.
There are several distinct characteristics successful manager/leaders of people must possess in order to be effective.
First, successful manager/ leaders must possess proper leadership skills. They must get their people involved in projects by appealing to what motivates people, offering constructive feedback and guidance, sharing power and information, and having fun! Good manager/leaders know that projects succeed because of the enthusiasm and commitment of the people involved. Successful manager/ leaders talk to people’s hearts, not just to their ears!
Second, successful manager/leaders must possess organizational skills. They manage time wisely and prioritize
issues. They stay focused on what is important and weed out time wasters.
Third, successful manager/leaders are assertive, not aggressive. They respond to situations clearly, honestly and directly. This supports their convictions, beliefs and ideas without harming others or being harmed themselves. They announce what they
think and feel without apologizing,
but equally without dominating. They learn to say “yes”, “no”, “I think”, or “I want” without fear or guilt. In this way, neither one’s own self nor that of the other person is demeaned; both are respected.
Fourth, successful manager/leaders possess analytical abilities with strategic thinking skills. These manager/ leaders continually watch a project’s progress. They monitor the quality of output, time taken, and cost. They take corrective action
early to prevent small problems becoming large ones. They compare a project’s performance against the plan. Successful manager/leaders are able to step back from a project detail and see the overall “big picture”. They understand why a project is
being done, and how it fits with their organization’s strategic direction.
Fifth, successful manager/ leaders possess good negotiation
skills. They use good questioning and active listening skills to identify other’s needs and seek win win solutions to other’s problems. They handle emotion using good communication techniques. They are creative in exploring options for solutions. They are persistent and fair in evaluating and selecting from those options.
Another virtue of a successful leader is that they will possess politeness, patience, and persistence in dealing with people in order to influence them in the most positive way practical, and
therefore, managing to win!
To Summarize:
You only have ONE chance to make a good first impression. So, smile, be friendly & use eye contact. Maintain an upbeat, relaxed, & positive confident attitude. Remember, God gave us two ears and one mouth. He expects us to do twice as much listening as talking! Be assertive & professional with kindness. And always make the other person feel important!
Les Giblin, Author, The Art Of Dealing With People says, “Begin today to develop an enthusiastic, confident attitude & manner. Speak out. Watch your posture. Hold your head up. Walk with a confident step as though you had somewhere important to go.”“A man that hath friends must show himself friendly.” Prov.